Feeling stuck is very common when trying overcome the problems which have been holding you back. Traditional solutions can in-fact be making you feel worse, not better! You only know what you know and can only follow what you think is the best, most widely used advice. But what you think should be helping you may be having the opposite effect.
You dive directly into your struggles, looking to understand how you have got where you are, what triggered it, you analyse every thought, feeling and behaviour, going round and round in circles in your mind trying to make sense of what is happening. For some reason you feel worse, more consumed by your problems, more controlled by those negative thoughts and feelings and as a result you become more frustrated, stressed out and angry with yourself. That thought of; “I’m trying so hard and yet I feel worse than ever”. You hate yourself more and more and start to feel so defeated that you will never be able to live your life free and happy.
The thing is, your problem is not the problem. If you think it is about over-eating, drinking too much, hating your body or your anxiety for example, you have missed the point!
I was stuck in this pattern for years, following the advice I thought was best. I was always starting a new eating plan, trying to avoid trigger foods, people, places and going through a daily battle in my head trying to fight my negative thoughts or feelings and trying to distract myself wherever possible. In the end I was burnt out and had no fight left in me. I felt completely consumed by my problem which was an Eating Disorder and I began to believe that I would never be able to escape. In my first session with the therapist who was able to help me break free once and for all, she introduced me to a whole new way of approaching my problems. We started to look beneath the surface of all the food restrictions, calorie counting, over-excising to what was stopping me from letting all of this go. When we started focusing on those answers, I could not believe the differences in how I felt, so much stronger and more determined and I made more progress in that first month than I had made in the last year!
All behaviours have a positive intention; your new approach
Now although you may feel that there is NOTHING to gain from the things you want to so desperately change, your subconscious mind thinks differently. It’s role in life is survival, guiding you towards behaviours it believes are rewarding e.g. calm, relaxation and away from things that could harm us e.g. stress. The trouble is it can make mistakes in its understanding. For example, associating food or that bottle of wine with a negative emotion or stressful situation will still get stored in the subconscious.
Yes, there is something positive behind your:
Wine drinking habit
Constant worrying and overthinking
These are just some of the most common ways we find to help us regulate our emotions.
For example, you may binge on food, or starve yourself to escape emotional pain (stress/boredom) and moved towards emotional reward (relaxation/calm). With enough repetition your brain learns that food is the most rapid, reliable and effective way to get this sense of release. Eventually this is stored in your subconscious mind.
There is always something that your subconscious mind is gaining from your food issues!
It can be a mystery to us why we get locked into behaviours, beliefs and habits which we know reduce the quality of our life. It is because the subconscious tends to keep the thought patterns that generate them out of our awareness.
Remember your subconscious is so much more powerful than you realise…..it actually accounts for about 90% of your daily behaviour. So, this means that you are spending the majority of your day behaving in a way which is outside your control and without you even realising until it shows up in a behaviour which has a negative impact, such as your unhealthy eating behaviours.
What is stopping you from letting go of your problems
It can sometimes feel like different aspects of ourselves come out to play at different times. If you can think of your struggles as one part of you and there is another part of you, the part of you who wants to change and wants to be free.
I want you to imagine placing your problem part out onto one your hands so you can see it sitting on your palm (doesn’t matter which one, whatever feels right for you). You may be able to visualise it as a picture, image, shape or it may remind you of someone. Next, if you could get in touch with the problem part of you ……..if you were to ask this part what’s its intention in holding you back, what comes to your mind?
Then work through a series of repetitions:
And what’s the intention/purpose of…..?
And what’s the intention/purpose of that?
And what would that bring you?
What would I gain from that?
Keep going until you get to a positive e.g. love, freedom, happiness.
Behind all the anxiety, worry, calorie counting, evening drinking etc. you will see (even if you have to keep asking those series of questions for quite a while) that underneath all the pain and discomfort your problem part does actually want to bring something positive to you. It is just going about it the wrong way! Until you work this out you will continue to battle, fight and use up all of your energy with little progress.
I want you to know that you are not stuck, you’re just committed to certain patterns of behaviour because they have helped you in the past (remember all of your problems have a positive intention). However, now those behaviours have become more harmful than helpful. The reason why you can’t move forward is because you keep applying an old formula to a new level in your life. Change the formula to get a different result. A result which could give you long-lasting changes in your life, more knowledge and understanding of you, feeling calmer and truly more in control and finally being able to start living and stop just existing.
The definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different result”.
If you think your problems are the problem then that is the problem. To get unstuck and free from your inner struggles you must work out the reason as to why you just cannot seem to let go. There is a positive intention behind your unwanted behaviours EVEN IF it doesn’t feel like it. Until you work out what this is you will continue to not make the progress you won’t and you will keep getting the same result, feeling more and more stuck!
Need some more of the right support to help you let go? Come join my community of lovely ladies for unlimited help and weekly live sessions helping you to start living your life in the way you want to.
Do not suffer alone in silence.
How to get unstuck
Cognitive Hypnotherapy Sydney
Life Coaching Sydney
0432 445 320