Who decides who you are?

How many of you will admit that you fear being alone? ME!

Being back in the UK this last week has made me reflect on the years I spent here stuck in a really dark, lonely place. I spent most of my early 20s putting on ‘an act’ finding myself seeking new friendships, giving off the impression I was this fun, bubbly, care-free person! But in reality, I was just doing this as I thought that this is the person I SHOULD be for people to like me…… and I held that strong belief that if I showed who I really was, opened up and shared my true self that I would be alone.

Where I found myself was that my inner struggles and insecurities left me vulnerable to outside influences and people who were not good for me!

It has been shown that both our environment and the actions of people around us influence the way we behave and our sense of ourselves. What this means is that rather than having a singular sense of who we are, as in ‘take me as you fine me’, it’s really more of a case of ‘take me where you find me, or with whom you find me’.

It means we can be influenced to lower our performance by a pushy manager, lose our self-confidence under the dripping-tap influence of an unsupportive partner and we can become fatter by hanging out with overweight friends.

On the positive side, studies have shown that if important people show belief in us we tend to raise our performance to fit their expectations. Surrounding yourself with positive people will make us feel that we are a positive person.

How many of you will admit that you can be a very different person around your family compared to your friends or at work compared to home?

This got me thinking….

I have read that we are a composite of the 5 people we spend most time with. Think about that. Are your 5 good influences?

Sometimes we can hang onto friends simply out of loyalty even when they are no longer on the same page as us. Don’t be afraid of letting people go. This was me for years- I was SO scared of being alone that I stuck with people I really didn’t need in my life!

So I FINALLY made the decision to walk away from people I should have done years ago- and I actually feel SO much better for doing so, like a weight has been lifted. I don’t miss these relationships AT ALL! Anyone who is feeling like I did, be brave and make that step.


Conduct an audit of the 5 people you spend most time with or are most influenced by:

· Are they contributing to growth or unnecessary protection?

· Are they helping you move forward or holding you back?

If you are working on yourself or achieving in various areas of your life, you will face the haters! Many people, including your friends are likely to feel threatened by you and may respond negatively towards you.

If you find yourself up against the haters and a wall of negativity, a simple way to protect yourself is to ask this question;

“what is it about them that makes them need to make me feel bad?”

The more you ask that question about them the more you’ll see the limitations, weaknesses and fears that drive their behaviour. It makes it easier to ignore and forgive. They are just going through their own struggles. Your behaviour is simply causing them to notice their struggle more than they want to.

Anyone who is feeling like I did, be brave and TAKE CONTROL! Cut the negative people dragging you down and surround yourself with positive people who show belief in you!

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